The 5 questions to ask yourself every three months
How often do you systematically reflect on your experience?
Reflection is one of the most powerful things you can do: look back, extract learning, consolidate insights, and use them to improve or shift patterns of behaviour.
Most people acknowledge how valuable it can be. Yet so few of us do it regularly.
Below are the 5 questions that I find most useful. Get and pen and paper, or some note-taking app and give yourself at least an hour (ideally two or more) to go through them properly. I think you’ll be surprised how valuable it is.
Q 1: What’s gone well?
Capture the good stuff: what went well, progress, achievements, highlights, what you’ve enjoyed, what’s energised you. Get your calendar out for this one, and don’t rush this.
Q 2: What’s been challenging?
What’s been difficult or hard: challenges, hurdles, setbacks, frustrations, disappointments, what hasn’t gone as planned. Be honest. This isn’t about judgement – it’s about identifying obstacles and potential patterns.
Q 3: What have you learned?
What have you learned about yourself? This question is about consolidation, finding insights, and developing self-awareness (rather than about skill development). Question one and two will be directly useful here, but you’ll no doubt expand your investigation beyond this. I find myself reflecting on my beliefs, my assumptions, where I need to focus on, what needs my attention.
Q 4: What’s been missing?
What has been lacking? I deliberately provocative an open question that generally sparks awareness on things you’d like to have spent more time doing – things that you have de-prioritised to your detriment. It could be time taking care of yourself or time with friends, or any other values of yours. Put another way, what’s important to you but didn’t get the time or attention it deserved?
Then: of the list of what’s missing, circle the things within your control.
Some things are outside your control. But most aren’t. Circle the items from above that you actually have the power to change.
Q 5: What do you want or need to change?
Based on everything above, how will you improve your next three months? What would improve your life or experience?
For this you can write a list, or use a simple 2×2 grid:
| START | DO MORE |
| What new habits, activities, or behaviours? | What’s working that you want to amplify? |
| STOP | DO LESS |
| What’s draining energy or adding no value? | What’s OK but taking too much time/energy? |
Then: of all the things you’d like to change, choose your top three priorities and put then into action.
Why this all matters
Without reflection, you risk repeating the same patterns – the same imbalanced priorities, the same mistakes, the same missed opportunities.
By reflecting, you develop self awareness and gain the opportunities to improve all aspects of your life. You’ll not just overcome challenges – you’ll also start to live a life that’s increasingly more congruent with your values.
Hope this is useful
Phil
